From the Manipulation Prevention Handbook
People lie. Nervous systems don't.
A normal response is not perfect. But it is not zero concern, zero curiosity, zero ownership and zero repair.
If someone really cares about you, even when you overreact, their default will have at least some of these:
The more zeros they have over time, the less that "nice person" mask matters.
One bad reaction might be a bad day. Five is a pattern. Ten is a baseline.
He said "goodbye" and hung up. I tried to call and text but couldn't get through. I sent an emotional email. Later he called and said he meant "goodnight." He yelled at me and told me to grow up.
"That email was a lot. You must have felt really scared after I said goodbye. I see how that sounded final. I actually meant goodnight. Next time I will say that clearly. I care about you."
He said he meant goodnight. He yelled at me. He told me to grow up. He acted like I was crazy for reacting.
Mask: "I am just a normal man who said the wrong word."
Reality: When I was scared and confused, he had zero concern, zero curiosity, zero ownership and zero desire to repair. He chose to shame and dominate instead.
In the full handbook you get a complete library of Scenario Lab cards that walk you through mixed signals, silent treatment, jokes that cut deep, blocking, and more-plus a pattern tracker to see your data clearly.
Use this template for any situation you're questioning.
Write what they said and did. No feelings.
Write how you think a typical caring person could respond.
Write what they really did and said.
If this mini card showed you something you have been gaslighting yourself about, the full Manipulation Prevention Handbook will give you many more scenarios, bigger templates, and a pattern tracker so you can stop doubting what your nervous system already knows.