Not healing. Stabilizing. These are tools for when you need to function, not fall apart.
You cannot heal while your system is in crisis.
Deep work requires a stable enough platform to stand on. These tools are for building that platform. Use them when you are flooded, triggered, or stuck in survival mode.
Stabilize first. Then heal.
Splash cold water on face. Hold ice. Run cold water on wrists. Shocks the vagus nerve and interrupts flooding.
Cross arms over chest, hands on shoulders. Tap alternating sides slowly. Bilateral stimulation calms the nervous system.
Press feet firmly into floor. Notice the pressure. Say "I am here. I am now. My feet are on the ground."
Put the feeling in an imaginary box with a lid. Set a time to open it later. This is containment, not avoidance.
For when you are dissociating, floating away, or not in your body.
Use when: Dissociating, floating, not feeling real
Why it works: Forces your brain to use the present-moment senses instead of the memory/fear circuits.
Use when: Flashback, time confusion, feeling like you're "back there"
"My name is [name]."
"I am [age] years old."
"I am in [location]."
"Today is [day, date, year]."
"I am safe right now. That was then. This is now."
Why it works: Your brain needs concrete facts to know it's not in the past. Date and age are especially important.
Use when: Heavily dissociated, can't feel your body
Why it works: Strong physical sensations force the nervous system to register the body as present and real.
For when you are activated, flooded, panicking, or rage-filled.
Use when: Panic, anxiety, heart racing, can't calm down
Why it works: The extended exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). It physically cannot stay in panic when you breathe this way.
Start with whatever you can. 2-4 is fine. 3-6 is fine. The point is exhale longer than inhale.
Use when: Extreme panic, rage, need to stop flooding NOW
Why it works: Triggers the mammalian dive reflex, which automatically slows heart rate and redirects blood flow. It's a biological override of panic.
Use when: Chronically activated, can't settle, always on alert
Why it works: All of these stimulate the vagus nerve, which runs the relaxation response. Regular practice builds tone over time.
For when you are stuck in a spiral, loop, or obsessive thought.
Use when: Spiraling, obsessing, can't stop the loop
"STOP." (Say it out loud or firmly in your head)
"I notice I am [spiraling about X / replaying Y / obsessing over Z]."
"This is a pattern. It is not helping me right now."
"I am choosing to [do one grounding thing] for the next 5 minutes."
Why it works: Naming the pattern activates the prefrontal cortex. Choosing an action gives your brain something else to do.
Use when: Racing thoughts, can't sleep, overwhelmed by everything at once
Why it works: Your brain is holding everything because it's afraid you'll forget. Putting it on paper tells your brain it doesn't need to keep spinning.
Use when: Urge to do something destructive, impulse that will make things worse
Why it works: Urges feel permanent but they peak and pass. Opposite action buys time for the urge to fade.
Things to say to yourself when you are in the fire.
"I am not too much. I am having a big feeling."
"Big feelings are not the same as being a problem."
"My system is doing what it learned to do. I can learn something new."
"I am allowed to take up space. Even when I am not calm."
"This feeling is real, and it may not be about right now."
"I have survived people leaving before. I survived."
"My fear is not proof that they will leave."
"I can ask for what I need without demanding. I can tolerate not knowing."
"I am angry. Anger is information, not instructions."
"If I burn this down, I have to live in the ashes."
"I can wait 24 hours before I make any permanent decisions."
"What do I actually need right now? Not to win. What do I need?"
"I am dissociating. This is my body's protection, not reality breaking."
"I am going to do something physical to come back."
"I am [name]. I am in [place]. Today is [date]. I am safe right now."
"This will pass. It always passes."
If you are in crisis or these tools are not enough, you might need real-time support with someone who speaks your language.
Book a Call →If you are in danger, having thoughts of harming yourself or others, or in active crisis, please reach out to emergency services or crisis lines. These tools are for nervous system regulation, not crisis intervention.