The Interruption Protocol
Now that you understand the loop, you need tools to interrupt it. This isn't about "fixing" each other it's about creating a shared language and protocol that lets you both step out of the cycle before it escalates.
You're not trying to never trigger each other. You're learning to recognize when it's happening and pause before the cycle takes over.
The Pause Protocol
When either of you notices the cycle starting, use this protocol:
- Signal, Use your agreed-upon pause phrase (not as a weapon, as a signal)
- Separate, Take 20-30 minutes apart to regulate (not to stew or build a case)
- Return, Come back with curiosity, not conclusions
- Repair, Start with what you're feeling, not what they did wrong
Scripts That Work
For the Pursuer: "I'm feeling triggered and I want to reach for you, but I know you need space. Can we set a time to come back to this?"
For the Withdrawer: "I'm feeling overwhelmed and I need to step away, but I want you to know I'm coming back. I'm not abandoning this."
Both: "I think we're in the loop. Can we pause and try again in 30 minutes?"
Create Your Pause Protocol
Together, decide:
1. What phrase will you use to signal "we're in the loop"?
2. How long will you take for the pause?
3. Who will initiate return? (Or set a timer together)
4. What will you each do during the pause to regulate?
Ready for the next lesson?
Make sure you've completed the workbook exercises before moving on.
Continue to Lesson 4 →