Pattern Library: Maps & Fragmented Self | War Path

The 6 Internal Maps

Maps are the internal rules your child brain drew to survive. They are not facts. They are trauma's version of a GPS.

1. Safety Map

Regulated: Bad things happen, but I can find support. I can notice red flags and respond.

Trauma version: "The world is a war zone. Relaxing is dangerous."

How this plays out

You stay on alert even in safe rooms
Calm feels like the quiet before an explosion
You cannot tell the difference between real danger and remembered danger

2. Love Map

Regulated: Love does not vanish when I have needs. Conflict does not mean abandonment.

Trauma version: "Love equals walking on eggshells."

How this plays out

You chase, test, or sabotage
You confuse intensity with safety because that is what home felt like
You panic at normal distance or silence

3. Worth Map

Regulated: I have worth even when I fail. Mistakes are feedback, not proof that I am trash.

Trauma version: "I am only worthy when I am useful, quiet, perfect, or entertaining."

How this plays out

You either overperform or give up
You attach your worth to how good you are at your shield
Any criticism feels like proof of your fundamental brokenness

4. Conflict Map

Regulated: We can disagree and still be on the same side. Repair is possible.

Trauma version: "Conflict means danger."

How this plays out

You either go full war or full ghost
You do not know how to stay in the room and stay in your body at the same time
Small disagreements feel like life-or-death battles

5. Authority Map

Regulated: Some authority is safe, some is not, and I can tell the difference. I can push back or say no without exploding inside.

Trauma version: "All authority is either god or enemy."

How this plays out

You submit, rebel, or switch between both
You end up in power struggles that repeat your childhood
Bosses, doctors, or partners with authority trigger old responses

6. Reality Map

Regulated: My feelings are real, my perspective matters, and I can still be wrong on details. I can update my view with new information.

Trauma version: "Either I am crazy or everyone else is."

How this plays out

You gaslight yourself or cling to your version like life support
Any challenge to your story feels like an attack on your existence
You cannot hold "I feel this" and "They feel that" at the same time

Symptoms of a Fragmented Self

How it looks when your parts do not trust each other.

🧠 Inside Your Head

Different versions of you show up in different rooms
You hear yourself think "we" by accident
You argue with yourself in your own thoughts
You tell a story one day, and a completely different emotional truth leaks out another day

💔 Emotions

You jump from numb to flooded with no middle
You cannot tell if you are angry, sad, scared, or all three
You overreact and then genuinely do not understand why you went that far
Your emotions grab the steering wheel without asking

⏱️ Memory and Time

You lose chunks of conversations or whole days
People say "you said this" and it feels like they are describing someone else
You forget promises you made during a different emotional state
Your life feels like scenes, not a continuous story

🫀 Body

You feel disconnected from your body until it is in full panic or shutdown
You notice posture, voice, or facial expression changes you did not intend
You feel like you are watching yourself from outside in certain moments
Your body holds reactions that do not match what is happening right now

👥 Relationships

You become a different person with different people
You cannot explain why you stayed or why you left, it just "flipped"
You cycle through idealizing and hating the same person
You feel like no one has met the real you, but you also do not know who that is

🪞 Sense of Self

Your "I am" sentence changes depending on who is triggering you
You feel fake even when you are being honest
You cling to labels because at least they feel like some kind of identity
You fear that if you drop the mask, there will be nothing under it

What All This Means

All of this is what happens when shields and masks are driving, and the core self never got a chance to grow in peace.

You are not broken. You are fragmented. There is a difference.

Broken means ruined, damaged goods, unfixable.

Fragmented means split into pieces that have not learned to work together yet. The pieces are all you. They just do not trust each other, because they formed in chaos.

The work is not "fixing" yourself. It is teaching your parts that they are on the same team now, even if they were not allowed to be back then.

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