There is a particular kind of manipulation that is both subtle and deeply unsettling. It begins when someone spends months closely observing you, learning the patterns of your nervous system, not for intimacy, but to use your reactions as an alibi for their own behavior.
He pays attention to your tells, what makes you spiral, where your voice cracks, and the places your trust lives. At first, these observations feel like closeness. He notices your favorite food, recognizes your stress face, and understands the way you get quiet before tears. He seems to appreciate your sensitivity, even celebrating how "in tune" you are.
Then, without warning, everything changes.
He begins to lie, talks to someone else, hides his phone, and switches up his routine. The tone shifts and the energy feels different. Your body senses these changes before your brain can rationalize them. Your stomach drops, your chest tightens, and your mind starts to connect troubling dots.
You ask simple questions, hoping for reassurance: "Everything ok?" "Where were you?" "Who is that?" "Why did your routine just completely change out of nowhere?"
Suddenly, you are painted as insecure, accused of "tripping," doing too much, or starting fights out of nowhere.
He calls you crazy, tells his friends you are obsessed, and begins constructing a narrative in which you are unstable.
This story becomes his shield, both to himself and others.
You Are Not Crazy
What you are experiencing is not irrationality. Instead, it is the aftermath of deliberate "crazy making." There is a profound difference between being "overly emotional" and being systematically pushed to the edge by someone who needs you to be the problem for their own cover.
How the Game Works
- He subtly breaks trust in ways your body instinctively detects.
- You sense the change and ask reasonable questions.
- He turns your concern into an attack on your character, avoiding accountability.
- Your emotional reactions are then used as "proof" of your instability.
As this pattern unfolds, your nervous system becomes overwhelmed. You start doubting yourself, questioning your own reactions and history. Thoughts like "Maybe I am too much," "Maybe my trauma is ruining this," "Maybe I should calm down," or "Maybe I imagined it" become frequent companions.
Recognizing the Pattern of Abuse
Abuse, from the outside, often appears as you being emotional, yelling, or crying, while he remains calm, logical, or even bored. This external contrast makes it seem as though you are the irrational one.
In reality, your body is responding to inconsistencies that your mind cannot ignore.
You are not meant to play the victim forever; your reactions, words, and choices are still your responsibility. However, you need to stop accepting the narrative that questioning when something feels off equates to being crazy.
What to Practice Instead
- Observe how people respond when you are calm and direct, not just when you are triggered.
- Notice if your questions are ever truly answered, or if the response always shifts to your tone.
- Pay attention to your body's feelings after a conversation. Do you feel clearer and safer, or more confused and guilty?
If every conflict ends with you apologizing for your feelings while they never take responsibility for their actions, this is not love.
This is character assassination.
Reclaim Your Narrative
You are not crazy. You are simply standing inside a story someone else is shaping about you.
You have the power to walk away, not because you are perfect, but because you are finished being the villain in a narrative built to protect someone else's guilt.
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