Many people struggle with understanding themselves, particularly when trying to distinguish between trauma and neurodivergence. This confusion often leads to self-blame and persistent questioning:
- "Am I avoidant or autistic?"
- "Is this shutdown a trauma response, or is my brain just done?"
- "Why can I be fine one second and then my whole system just taps out?"
The reality is that it might be trauma, it might be autism, or it might be both. When no one explains the differences, people start labeling themselves inaccurately and unfairly.
You might call yourself lazy, even though you are actually experiencing executive dysfunction and sensory overload.
You might describe yourself as cold, when in reality your nervous system is in a freeze state, trying not to shut down completely.
You might believe you are toxic, when your nervous system is simply misaligned for loud, fast, and chaotic environments that others seem to enjoy.
Trauma and Autism: Similarities and Differences
On the surface, trauma and autism can look very similar. You might:
- Get quiet and pull away
- Avoid certain places or people
- Feel "too sensitive"
- Need alone time to reset
However, the reasons behind these behaviors are not always the same.
When It's Trauma Freeze
- You feel emotionally unsafe
- Someone's behavior brings back memories of past chaos
- You are waiting for something to go wrong
- You fear that speaking up could make things worse
When It's Autistic Shutdown or Sensory Overload
- The room is too loud
- The lights are too bright
- There are too many conversations happening at once
- Your brain simply cannot process one more thing
When these reactions show up, people often assign harsh labels: "Attitude." "Cold." "Distant." "Crazy." "Too much." "Not enough."
Separating Wiring from Wounds
It is important to separate your natural neurological wiring from the wounds you carry.
If you were always sensitive, intense, or in your own world as a child - even before life became chaotic - that points to your neurotype.
If you remember a distinct "before and after" in your body, as if something broke and you never felt safe again, that points to trauma.
Many of us are both. We are born wired a certain way, and then life layers survival strategies on top of that. As a result:
- Your autistic shutdown gets labeled as "manipulative" during conflict.
- Your ADHD forgetfulness is seen as "not caring."
- Your need for sensory quiet appears to others like rejection.
This can lead you to question yourself: "Maybe I am the abuser." "Maybe I am the narcissist." "Maybe I am actually the toxic one."
While you may have behaviors to work on and sometimes need accountability, your wiring is not a character defect.
You are not evil for needing silence.
You are not selfish for needing less stimulation.
You are not broken for needing more time.
The Path to Healing: Getting Specific
True healing begins when you get specific about what you're experiencing. For example:
- "Right now I am overloaded, not heartless."
- "Right now my body is in freeze mode, not trying to punish you."
- "Right now, my brain cannot process this, even though I love you."
You have the right to understand your own system and name what is happening.
You are not dramatic; you are complex.
The more honest you are with yourself about what is trauma and what is wiring, the easier it becomes to stop calling everything "me being the problem" and start taking care of yourself.
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